Phrases to Calm Tantrums

An article about 7 calming phrases for kids caught my attention, and I thought it might catch yours too. The words help parents handle tantrums by using understanding and empathy as tools to calm emotions. Then problems can be solved.

It sounds a lot like Gentle Parenting, the technique many parents use. Here’s the link to that article: https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/personalfinance/i-ve-studied-over-200-kids-parents-who-are-really-good-at-handling-tantrums-use-7-calming-phrases/ar-AA1JOOxN?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&cvid=af1c5db946564753bdf41ab69c2e75e9&ei=21


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​       #1. ‘You’re having a big feeling. I’m right here with you.’
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​The big idea for this phrase, to validate that feeling. To let kids know they’re not alone.
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Emotions are hard to navigate, no matter your age. If someone understands and supports you, it helps. It can shrink big feelings. Over time, with practice, it will even get faster and easier for you and your child.


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                                                                                  #2. 'I believe you.
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​Can you imagine the relief a kid feels after hearing that? It builds trust and helps them calm down faster. Why? They don’t have to scream to be heard.

My note of caution from the parent and teacher in me, I’d still say I believe in you, no matter what. Even if my child told me an untruth. OK, a lie, but sometimes littles don’t always understand what they’re saying or feeling, especially during a meltdown. 

 

             #3. 'Your feelings make sense.'

The big idea behind this phrase, I understand you and your feelings. Who doesn’t want to hear that?!
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I wondered, what would you say if you weren’t sure how your child felt or why? Me, I’d start with I love you. Everyone needs to hear that. Then I’d ask about their feelings and go from there.


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4. 'I'm not upset with you. I'm here to help you through this.'

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​The key words…not upset and help. Imagine being a kid who just threw a temper tantrum. Your parents aren’t mad; they understand and want to help.

Wow! You don’t have to worry about being in trouble. You can focus on calming down. 


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                                                               5. 'It's okay to feel angry. I won't let you hurt yourself or anyone else.'

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Here’s to empathy and understanding! Everyone gets mad. Kids, parents, me too, but the last line changes everything. It tells a child they’re safe, and everyone around them too. Thanks to a good parent!

We adults could use that too. We should give ourselves permission to feel angry, then channel it so we don’t hurt anyone else, including ourselves. Think of it as modeling a good strategy, while your child is learning it too.

         Tomorrow: Two more phrases, a sneak peek, plus a final conclusion

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​                     6. 'Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.'

Time is a gift others give you. If your child panics and melts down, give them your time. Time to calm down until the panic disappears. When kids don’t have to hurry emotions, it’s easier.  It’s true for us adults too.

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                         7. 'We'll get through this together.'

Have you noticed it’s easier to get through the tough stuff if you’ve got a friend around? It’s true for kids too. This phrase helps them feel supported, gives them confidence to face future challenges, and makes meltdowns less likely. Really! All because that child got to face the tough stuff with someone who loves them, like a mom or dad.


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         Final Conclusion: ‘The secret to handling tantrums?
​                          Moving from control to connection.’
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​When you look at the 7 phrases featured in this post, there’s a common thread. They’re about connecting and understanding parents and children. It’s not about parents controlling a child’s emotions; it’s about guiding children to help them control their own emotions.

These 7 phrases are like seeds. They won’t grow immediately; it takes time. Temper tantrums don’t vanish right away. Everything worth while takes time. To quote this article, “a child who trusts their own feelings, knows they’re worthy of support, and believes that love doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.”
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I believe in a rainy day/blizzard kind of love. It sticks around when life gets tough. It never leaves. It’s always ready to help a child in need, even if they’re all grown up, like mine.

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