I’m a reader, and I’m always looking for great advice, for you and for me. I found this on Quora.com, and I saved it. It was written by Julie Gurner, who’s a Doctor of Psychology. She said these are the 10 pieces of life advice that she wished people would take.
The source link: (29) Julie Gurner's answer to What life advice do people not take seriously enough? - Quora And the link to her Quora profile: (29) Julie Gurner - Quora
1. “Don’t Make Decisions When You’re Angry:” Julie has seen many people in her practice do this, and the results, they aren’t good.
It’s easier said than done, but learning how to set aside anger will help you make better choices. When I’m super angry, I write a letter to myself. I go for a walk or talk to a friend. Find a way that helps you set aside your anger, for now. You’ll make better choices if you give yourself time to calm down.
2. “Be Yourself:” Julie said she’s seen people make choices they hate because they wanted to make someone happy. If you’re not true to yourself, you’re the one who’ll be miserable.
Peer pressure is hard to handle at any age, but if you learn to ignore it, you’ll be happier. Don’t take a dance class because everyone’s doing it. Take it because you want to. I pick what I want to write, and I’m happy, finding the right words to tell that story. I refuse to spend my time writing what’s trending. Life is too short.
3. “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff:” Julie says to choose your battles. Pick the things that are worth fighting for, and let everything else go.
I spent my life worrying about those little details. It didn’t make anything better. In fact it made them worse. Now that I’m older, I can let them go. I also learned there are some things I can’t control, like finding an agent. All I have is my best. Then I send out my work. I hope, and I pray. If you’re in the same boat, do your best. There is no more. Then let the chips fall where they may. They will anyway, and you’ll be happier. That’s always a good thing.
4. “Know Your Worth:” Julie said, when you value yourself, you don’t allow other people to bully you, and you’ll reap the rewards for the rest of your life.
One of my strengths is knowing what I’m good at, and what I’m not. That helps me handle criticism. If you want to be a writer, it comes with the territory. You have to know how to handle it, and who to listen to. One of the best things I’ve learned, after a critique I look at the suggestions a day later. I have six critique partners that I trust, but it still comes down to what I think. If I agree with them, I’ll make the change. If I don’t, I’ll leave it as is, for now. If three people comment on something, then I have to change it. I want the writing to be just right, for you.
5. “It’s Okay to Ask for Help:” Julie worked with lots of people who wished they’d asked for help earlier, but couldn’t. They waited until the last minute, until things were ready to break down.
That’s one of the best things I’ve learned as a writer. I work with a group of six. We read each other’s’ work every week. I send them my best writing, but I can’t see my own mistakes, and they can’t either. Asking for help means that you’re smart, that you’re ahead of the game. I used to tell my students the only dumb question, is the one you don’t ask.
6. “Who You Marry is One of the Most Important Decisions You’ll Make:” Julie said it was key to the rest of your life. You’ll see that person every day if you stay together. If you divorce, you’ll get rid of them, but you’ll live with emotional and financial damage.
I’d look at this much earlier, when you learn to make friends. I watched, especially when my kids were in middle school. I was lucky . . . they found friends who built them up, who made good choices. When I met my husband, I was looking for someone who’d be my best friend for life. I’m blessed. We’ve been married for 38 years. I’ve been with him longer than any other person I know. I’m glad I made a good decision.
7. “Make Time for People You Love:” Julie said skipping out on parents and grandparents might not be a big deal today, but someday, it will be. No one is promised tomorrow.
This is my biggest weakness. I always made sure I had time for work. I was a second-grade teacher, and I taught the way I wanted my kids’ teachers to teach. It’s one of the biggest regrets I have today, that I didn’t balance work and family better. Now that I’m on my second career, I’m working on that balance between work and family. It’s hard, but as I practice, I get better. You can too.
8. “The Best Time to Start is Now:” Julie’s advice, start working on your dreams today. Time passes too quickly. Don’t regret what you didn’t do . . . give it a try.
If there’s something you’ve dreamed of, just do it. Give yourself permission to struggle. You might discover you hate it, or that you’re terrible at it. Sometimes that makes it easier to try something new. I’ve been writing since 2007, but I haven’t had super-success. I still don’t have an agent, but, I’ve had fun along the way. I’ve met a lot of great people, and, I’ve self-published three books. It’s true . . . nothing ventured, nothing gained. So try it, and see what happens.
9. “The Best Revenge is Living Well:” Julie says when you hold onto grudges, it just messes up your life. Her best quote, “anger is something you carry for someone else’s mistakes.”
In the words of Frozen, let it go! I’ve spent my whole life struggling with those grudges. Julie is right . . . I carried the anger, not the person who hurt me. They had no idea. One even said I made it up. Since then, I’ve learned to forgive first, then let the anger go. When it bubbles up, I forgive again, and let it go, again. I’m not responsible for what the other person chooses to do. I can move on. I feel happier and healthier. I hope forgiveness/letting it go will help you too.
10. “Treat Others the Way You’d Want to be Treated:” Julie says that if everyone treated others like this, the world would be a better place.
This is the Golden Rule from the Bible. It’s so simple to understand, but people get caught up in themselves. Then we forget about others. At least I do. Now I have a new goal . . . think about the people around me, then decide on the best course of action. Thinking before talking/doing is always a good thing, but hard.
When I write, I can only have one voice in my head, mine. A little noise is fine. But too much, or worse yet, WORDS, and I must change rooms or pull out headphones. Then I can write on!